Well, it seems that wearing my heart on my sleeve has opened me up to being vulnerable about many many things that I've been attempting to ignore...and in short, I would like to proudly state that my mom is always there for me and I am extremely thankful for it. I'm thankful for boo boo kissing and two-hour heart-to-heart crying sessions and every trait that I've inherited from her--those things don't just make me who I am, they make me a better person.
I'm particularly glad that I've inherited her coping mechanism--It's this feeling of breaking down, then pulling myself up by my bootstraps and saying, "how can I contribute?" or "how can I fix the problem?" Basically, how can I make myself proud of the way I reacted to this issue? So on that note, my to-do list is:
1. Thank Mom profusely.
2. Thank Jackson profusely.
3. Thank Aubrey profusely.
4. Thank Sam profusely.
5. Write a letter to my dad. This might sound awkward and formal, but I'm thinking it'll help me get my ducks in a row--plus there's the benefit of the backspace button...
6. Start the habit of writing letters to my brothers. These will be less of a 95 theses of parenting (see above) and more of a fun way to keep in touch with them. I hope. It gives me a chance to share something I love (writing!) with them, too.
7. Work on some kind of awareness campaign in memorial to Pete. I didn't know him well at all, but after Mr. Lozano had an amazing heartfelt talk with us about his passing on Monday morning, I realized that just because I didn't know Pete doesn't mean that I have to act desensitized or pretend the issue is impersonal. I know very little about why people make these destructive decisions because--well, I guess you could argue that I'm kind of a prude, I don't know their situations, and I decided early on that I wasn't into putting my body through that kind of abuse. But I feel like the way I could pay tribute to him is by getting one less kid in that situation. I don't know what this would entail at all, yet, so if you have ANY ideas...tell me.
8. Improve my attitude. I think someone out there is trying to make it really clear to me that life is short. I need to spend more time figuring out what matters and what doesn't, and allowing myself to laugh when I'm happy and cry when I'm sad. I have to thank every person that opens me up and get rid of the people that make me feel like nothing.
Let me tell you what's great.
[[say shelby...what's great?]]
I think I can do all of this.
Wheels...
-
Rolling through the seasons. Never enough hours in the day to accomplish
the endless list of tasks I have scrolling in my head. As my good friend
David Jer...
11 years ago
4 comments:
Shelby! In regards to #7, I've also had something similar on my mind. Funny how that happens to us every once in a while (like that business with the strike over the summer.) Anyway, I think it's a great idea. I didn't know Pete personally either, but I think that awareness is something important that isn't getting the attention that it doesn't. I'd like to chat with you about this; I might be able to give you some insight into a world you're not so familiar with.
That sounds really good. I'm trying to get in touch with some people who knew Pete better, but it's so hard to not be pushy or overbearing and not hurt any feelings...
this is fabulous. every time i read something here, shelby, it makes me rethink something i've come to assume, or shows me a different perspective of something i'm stubborn towards, or opens a new door in my mind to the world i'm not exposed to. and it's absolutely wonderful.
i don't know what i'm going to do without lunch with you next semester, over the summer, ...next fall...
Responses in order:
Thank you. Thank you THANK YOU. That's an amazing compliment. You make me want to throw all of my plans for the future out the window and teach.
Next semester, we'll see each other in the hallways. Or we'll java.
Next year, you'll find me here. Or I'll take an amtrak, the R5, and a freakin' septa bus so that we can still java every once in a while. We'll make it work because I'm not willing to let things change. I'm just not.
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