I've made a conversion from words to actions--when I feel something, I don't write about it, I don't wax poetic on exactly what it means or wonder if I should perhaps feel differently. I just act on those feelings. Which is good--I'm spending a lot less time living in my own head and more time engaging other people, discovering what I have in common with the rest of the world and what aspects of me are blessedly mine. I treasure both.
Actions give me strength, purpose, a list of things that I could point to at the end of my life and say I did this. And words, I notice more and more, just descend in to hollow meaninglessness with time and repetition. Even the most powerful words--inspiring campaign promises, for example--lose their potency when "Change we can believe in" is just something we say, not something we see or feel. Even "I love you" can turn into just something one says instead of something one does. Over time you can become so depressed by a word's lack of any real meaning that the most positive words, instead of filling you up and buoying you, just kind of hollow you out. Someone has wasted your time by saying something so worthless as "I'm here for you" when they're never, ever physically there.
Actions are concrete, harder to misinterpret, easier to explain, and I think more impervious to that weakening over time. I am trying to live in verbs now, trying to make myself known and my intentions clear not just to those who bother to read or listen to what I say. I teach in Africa, everyone knows that I care about poverty and the opportunity gap and my generation's future. I wear a uniform, everyone knows I am dedicated to serving my country.
...I wish I could make that list longer. Soon it will be. I think it's too much to hope that I can influence others to live the same way. But at least i can value from this information and know who to trust, who to respect...and who's just blowing empty words in my direction.
No comments:
Post a Comment